Romance VS. Friendship

Is Courtship overrated?

Panliligaw, archaic?

What of Dating?

All the same?

Going through all those men and women, in the end, had it all been in vain? Not just the middle; there may have been an err at the beginning also.

And for a while, I debated with myself:

Why do I allow myself to be entertained by those I hardly understand?

My Aunt J, who professed that she preferred thrills and confusion in relationships, may give evidence or proof to our inclination of feeding our curiosities.

Back to the question, why do I even bother (rephrased) being with others whom I either find difficulty relating to, or have no interest, simply put, of relating with?

Surprisingly, the answer, is the same way why I bother relating to those I am interested with, to those I am comfortable with, and to those I admire.

They say Openness can build friendships.

Friendship entails, to me personally, that lack of expectation from a person doing good for you; I don’t expect my friends to do something good to me, because their being there is good done unto me already. Their presence (near or far, you feel and know your friendship exists), their characters, and consequently their words and actions are the basic reasons why I am friends with them. Because I trust their presence. I trust their character, their words and actions. But I don’t expect them to be ‘this kind of person’ or ‘to do this or that’. Because as individual persons, only they have the ability to want what they want to show to me or to others. And I am the only one in control of what I want to show to others. And no one can control (or be me, intricately and internally) how I give. Only they, and I, can only expect ourselves, to do what we want, the way we do.

Hence, we support and respect our individualities and our principles as separate entities. And in that respect, we were surprised that what we wanted for each other was actually our well-being. Where you look after one another. And in the process, you learn how to love.

My failure and mistake in terms of courtship stemmed off from the assumption or stereotype that it ‘must’ begin with interrogation, a strict exchange of information, and of reading the other party’s motivation in wanting to know the other.

Worse, that only the man ‘make the moves’, or efforts, while the woman waits and even entertains others.

It took an old friend, and a book by Blaine Bartel to remind me of my philosophy courses in UAP, especially in that of The Family, where good marriage is founded by Friendship.

I am not married. And I don’t know if I ever will be, but for us who are, and for us who will be, let it be known, no matter how redundant, that Friendship, in fact, lasts longer than Romance.

Yes, you need both, and it is not true, according to my Professor, Sr. de los Reyes of The Family of UAP, that courtship stops before Holy Matrimony; it goes on throughout married life. It begins before married life, and continues (as long as you both shall live…perhaps even beyond.)

I have had so much trouble being with somebody that I forget, a simple small truth, that before I expect so much commitment, so much exchange, that I listen so we could be friends first.

And if there had been no friendship to begin with, how could I have expected that the relationship would last long? If all there is were romance and promises, the ‘bond’ was due to die young, and, whenever renewed in vain, frequently.

Consequently, I burdened myself senseless because it was not sensible to begin with.

Of all things that are contained and maintained in relationships, Friendship is the rock by which all senses and sensibilities are tested.

Had I reminded myself this mere simple fact before, I would have spared myself long, scarred connections where some continue to haunt me today.

But as it is, I can only hope and pray, that I find a way to be more open, and more importantly, to love better.

Through friendship.