Even words can’t speak sometimes.
But when we begin to force them, as if aiming for a ripple effect, they cascade, like water seeping through cracks.
Eventually when you break the wall, they just overflow.
Super giant one-of-a kind apologies to others and myself for not coming up to the already small expectation of sharing a post ‘once a week’.
So last I posted was December, and already it’s February and the entire world is about to welcome summer in its variety.
I’ve mentioned somewhere in my posts before that technically, I’ve already failed the routine of posting once a week and yet, I still continue to do so.
(I tried making up for those like, I’d post 2 entries the ff. week if I wasn’t able with the last. But. I think sticking to your site’s ‘premise’ is like, following the doctor’s orders. If it’s just one glass of wine a day, and you missed drinking, you can’t have two on the next. So. ….I’M SOOOOORRRRRYYYYYY.)
I know even if the comments read ‘0’ count, I still keep on saying these apologies, but it’s for any friend or reader who passes by my page and reads or scans through my entries.
Long apology over. I’m still writing in this blog.
And new entry:
The Red Queen Complex
‘Off with their heads! Off. With. Their Heeeeeaaaads!”
Guess who said that.
I like her, the Red Queen, from Alice in Wonderland.
She’s angry, she’s vengeful, she knows how it feels to be hated and to be unloved. There is no other daring character in this world that I know, in either fiction or reality that is exactly like the Red Queen. If you know one, you’re in a serious treat.
No, I’m not sadistic. I like her, yes, but I don’t want to be like her.
However, I do feel like her, but not necessarily wanting to be.
Are you a Red Queen, too?
But pardon, Red Queen is Red Queen. Let us not rob off her personal merit of carrying her own name, character and definition, however impossible to fully define.
My sympathies go more for her, than for Alice. Her malice makes her sympathetic for me; that fear, that thirst for redemption, her wild revenge and her quest to earn her misplaced, misinterpreted ‘merit’.
The Red Queen, to me, is the epitome of frustrated love and unaccepted difference. I find her will to live so very much astonishing. She is a kind of nemesis that keeps you wondering, “Why? Why? Why?” Just to arrive at the simplest of answers no one can dare translate as coherently as she sees it in her own mind.
She is jealous and coveting. She will rob you in an instant if you possess something she wants. She is high-tempered and lacking of basic social skills, but her aggressiveness and direct-approach sends everyone moving and talking about and even for her.
But as earlier confessed; I may find myself resembling the Red Queen in times, but I dare not want to be like her.
Content and deluded by her own misery and loneliness. Someone who agreed with herself that the world is how she sees it to be and no one else can change that. Someone who’s smart enough to force herself in leadership, but dumb enough not to know how to handle the responsibilities. She fumes, explodes, rages and pounds. All that beautiful, bountiful energy; recycled into the universe without her turn of good use.
That to me is her unfortunate downfall. An opportunity lost to contribute something good. Nothing is more saddening than an opportunity lost. Regrets bore out of this, and yet we have the audacity to tell ourselves that we have learned our lesson, only to commit the same mistake not only twice, or thrice, but over and over until our life must’ve been sucked out of our bodies.
The horrifying and good thing about this lifetime we spend, however singular, is that as energy is recycled, opportunity can present itself again. Yes, hence the performance of similar mistakes. But we cannot blame ourselves so much because of our innate downfall; our lack of an all-knowing intelligence. A basic truth we can never, and I mean it, ever change. So we have what we call ‘perfecting’; a state where we are close to perfect, but not really.
Given that we enjoy and learn in our own faults, it is just as a given that we secretly or adamantly aim to change that.
Did the Red Queen want to change?
I certainly want to. But the Red Queen found perfection in her own imperfection. And for those who think they are perfect, and nothing more can ever be added or subtracted, you’re one and the same fault.
The answer is brutal and simple: We’re not.
So deal with it.
Seriously, work on it.
